


Before & After

by Paradise_Found



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Bisexuality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:27:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27251923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_Found/pseuds/Paradise_Found
Summary: This is the last installment of my Barisi fics. Thank you so much for all the kudos and visits.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Kudos: 33





	Before & After

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last installment of my Barisi fics. Thank you so much for all the kudos and visits.

Carisi’s face is adorned by the light of his cell phone screen in the blanket of dark ambiance of the bar that he is in. He reads the text from Barba again, making sure he is at the right place. There are some tables empty, scattered through the shadows and silhouettes of other patrons, drinking and talking, laughing and listening. It’s hard to eavesdrop even though the conversation din seems to get louder and louder as the minutes pass by, occasionally Carisi can pick up a few keywords here and there, someone would mutter loudly at their displeasure of the verdict on a particular case, or a few venting words directed at the judicial system. He looks around the dim lit bar, like a lost child in an unfamiliar playground.

“Do you want another?” The waitress asks and collects his empty glass.

“Uh sure.” Carisi smiles at the waitress.

“You’re too good looking to be getting stood up.” The waitress says with a smirk.

“Oh, I’m early.” He says, hoping it sounds legitimate enough as an excuse even though it is the truth.

The waitress smiles back at his remark and disappears in the sea of seated customers. Carisi fidgets under his suit, uneasy from the wait and the resulting attention, it makes him feel like a dog hidden in a wolf den, just slightly out of place. His brows wrinkle at the time displayed on his watch. Strange and unlikely scenarios project in his mind to account for Barba’s unknown lateness. The waitress comes back with a beaming smile at Carisi and sets a glass full of foamy beer in front of him.

A moving shadow nears the waitress and the faint smell of warm smoky spices drifts in the space around Carisi. He looks up towards the shadow, a somewhat breathless Barba stands over the table.

“Work dinner ran long. I tried to leave earlier but I couldn't. Actually I tried to not go at all but...” Barba drags out his sigh at the meaningless functions he’s forced to attend for work. The waitress smiles at the now seated ADA and asks for his drink order. Carisi stares at Barba. His feeling of being out of place dissipates with each breath; the person he is waiting for has arrived. The waitress leaves the two men in the silence of each other.

“Glad you could make the time for me out of your busy schedule.” Carisi tries to sound sarcastic and a little bit passive aggressive. 

Barba shifts in his seat, he looks down at his hands and then up at the man sitting across from him. “I’m sorry about what happened. It was never my intention to hurt you or push you away, I just wanted to help. I wasn’t thinking clearly; a lapse in judgement.” He pauses. “I’m sorry I pushed my own agenda on you. You have every right to be angry, but I just really want to know how the interview went. Tell me and I’ll leave.” Barba’s green eyes meets Carisi; the surge of blazing emerald coils around blinding sapphire, infallible and unwavering.

“There’s no need for that, at least finish your drink first.” Unable to keep up the pretense, Carisi relents. He sees the waitress walking towards the table. She sets the whiskey glass down in front of Barba and gives Carisi a quick smile. He waits until the waitress is out of earshot and continues. “I’m sorry that I blew up. It just feels like no one wants me around sometimes. Things have gotten better now, but it wasn’t always like this, and what happened with Dodds…” Carisi stops to remember the loss.

“My timing was not good.” Barba furrows his brows at himself.

“No, it wasn’t. But thanks for looking out for me.” Carisi beams, his dimples reveal themselves, their first chance to do so in nearly two months.

“Always. So, how did the interview go?” Barba takes the glass to his lips.

“It was okay.”

“Just okay?”

“Alright. I think it went well, really well, but I did tell them that I wasn’t ready to move on from SVU just yet. They seemed okay with it. Whatever happens, just having gone through the interview helped.” His cheeks pink and full at the thought of being called ADA Carisi.

“That’s good to hear. Whatever you decide to do, I’m in your corner.” Barba swallows his drink in satisfaction. 

“You know, you were kinda rough with me when we first met. What changed?” Carisi leans forward towards Barba, the air between them closes in, he can smell the whiskey on Barba’s tongue.

“Things change.” Barba sips on his drink slowly.

“Yeah but what exactly? I remember when I first came, you didn’t wanna have anything to do with me, and now? We’re eating dinner, getting drinks, you putting my name out there for potential ADA positions, what next? You gonna ask me out on a date?” Carisi chuckles at himself. He hasn’t planned on saying this, it just came voluntarily out of nowhere. A rush of cold dread spreads throughout his limbs, not sure if he wants to be present for Barba’s reaction. 

Barba takes another sip, he stares at his drink, the golden amber liquid drips on the sides of the glass, forming webs that extend down towards the water of life. Carisi fidgets and sits back into the chair. A couple near their table gets up to leave, the man drapes the woman’s coat on her back and she smiles at the gesture. Carisi watches the couple as they leave the bar, he mentally notes the distance from their table to the exit in case he gets a scathing reply. 

“Now that you mention it, would that be so bad?” Barba looks up at Carisi, his eyes spark at his reply. All the dim lights in the bar seem to focus on Barba, making him the center of Carisi’s attention. 

“What? Um no, it wouldn’t be bad, I just never thought that...” It takes Carisi a moment to realize what Barba said. His mind sputters at Barba’s comment, his limbs frozen, he holds his breath for the impending drop.

“Don’t people go on dates with the people they like?” Barba smiles, something he doesn’t often do with others, but lately, he’s been smiling more when Carisi is around.

“Yeah, that’s a thing that people do.” Carisi says slowly, dragging his words on his ragged breaths.

“So? I don’t see a problem here. Unless...you don’t think of me that way.” Barba says with a delicate and forgiving tone.

“Well, it might be hard with us working together...and everything.” The detective leans further forward towards the ADA.

“Maybe, but that’s a bridge I’m willing to cross when I come to it. Are you?” Barba responds, eyes aim towards Carisi, a burn of fiery green.

Carisi hesitates under Barba’s mesmerizing fire and succumbs quietly. “Yes.” 

“I don’t mind taking my time...with you, if that’s something you want as well.” Barba places a hand on top of Carisi’s in the crowded bar. He feels the reassuring weight on top of his own hand, cold and clammy from the extreme turn of events. 

“Have you..done this before Barba?” Carisi asks.

Barba blinks and returns his sight on Carisi. “No, I have not. Have you?”

“No.” Carisi replies, the first half truth he has told to anyone about himself.

“Then we’re perfect for each other.” Barba grins. Carisi has never seen this Barba before, he is foreign and unfamiliar but undeniably alluring.

Carisi chuckles at the disappearance of his insecurities. “Was this what you meant by your own agenda?”

“More or less.” Barba looks at his watch and draws out a long sigh. “I’ve got to go and prep for tomorrow.”

“Okay, let me walk you home.” Carisi suggests with a dimpled smile. Barba takes the last sip of his drink and stands. He walks over to the waitress and takes out his wallet. The waitress takes his card and looks to her machine for a response. She looks over at Carisi, now standing with his jacket draped over his arm. She winks at him and refocuses her attention back to Barba. Her wink feels like a comforting hug without closing in on the distance. He’s never gotten winks before, not in that way at least. Carisi breathes out a wave of relief and walks Barba towards the door.

The humid night air greets the two as they step out. There is a slight chill within the layers of warmth but somewhat liberating to take in the air. The two men walk in silent understanding of each other, each pace matches the other, each breath in sync with one another. The night sounds muffled by the encased calmness between the two, there is nothing else that can disturb them out of their blissful moment. The two finally meet at a cross point in life, where they want the same thing at the same time, no more forks in the road or distracting signs.

They pass a pizza shop and stop before a pedestrian light. Carisi looks over at Barba, the stoic ADA loses all of his worries, his features turn gentle under the stark bright lights of New York. Carisi is unsure how to feel at this particular moment, still wondering if he’s in a dream or hallucinating, he plays the events in the bar over and over again in his mind. Barba couldn’t have been more to the point, but did he misunderstand? Has he had too much to drink to the point where he’s manipulated Barba’s intentions to suit his own? Carisi is ready for the plunge but that doesn’t make it any less intimidating.

A few short strides and Barba stops at the front of his building. The lights inside his apartment building blind Carisi after their walk from the darkness outside, he blinks quickly to readjust and follows the shadow of the ADA towards the elevators. They wait in silence, anticipating the flash of the button signaling the arrival of the elevator. The two men walk in together, the door closes.

The desire for Carisi to let his urge take over builds. With each floor the elevator ascends, the deeper and stronger the urge takes hold. He consciously restraints against himself and tightens his grip on his jacket. The elevator dings, he follows Barba towards his door, no more security detail this time.

“Hey before you get in, I gotta ask you something.” Carisi asks as Barba inserts his key and turns his lock.

“Yes?”

“When exactly did you...think of me differently?” Carisi says slowly, certain of his clear headedness, he reads Barba’s face, searching for minute expressions of arousal and intrigue.

Barba’s door opens slightly, he turns to face Carisi, a semblance of a smirk appears on the corner of his lips, he quietly chuckles at the tall man in front of him. “Goodnight Detective.” 

Carisi has resisted enough, he jolts towards Barba and pulls him close with his tie. He stops just before Barba’s lips, pouty and wet from impatience. Carisi inches closer, past his cheek, to whisper in Barba’s ear. 

“Sweet dreams Counselor.” He says, hushed, with almost a growl.


End file.
